3 Life Lessons From SpongeBob Squarepants

Coffee. Puppies. Spongebob Squarepants.

This is my definition of the ideal Sunday morning. Slowly waking up to the gurgling of the coffee maker and the sweet aroma of fresh-brewed French Roast; the sight of my two dogs, Coco and Cece, eagerly waiting for permission to get on the bed; and tuning in to Nickelodeon for a few episodes of Spongebob Squarepants.

Spongebob Squarepants is about the cockamamie adventures of a sea-dwelling buck-toothed anthropomorphic sponge. He lives in a pineapple in the underwater metropolis of Bikini Bottom, with a pet snail named Gary, Squidward Tentacles his chronically cranky neighbor (and comic foil), and a pink starfish sidekick named Patrick. He works as a fry cook at the Krusty Krab, a greasy-spoon restaurant owned by Eugene Krabs, going through life with youthful exuberance.

I’m a huge Spongebob Squarepants fan, and probably watch more Spongebob than the average six year old (it helps that Nickelodeon runs an endless number of episodes during the day). It’s not high-brow entertainment, and humor is a combination slapstick and absurdist, consisting of one silly scene after another… perfect for those with viewing patience like mine. Created by artist and former marine biologist, Stephen Hillenburg, the show is one of the most popular cartoons on Nickelodeon, consistently ranking in the Top 10 in the Nielsen ratings, recipient of six Emmy nominations and winner of five Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice awards.

Amid all his misadventures, Spongebob never ceases to find the positives in any given situation. He is the epitome of friendliness, enthusiasm and resilience – the very picture of “Zen” happiness. And he’s the cartoon character I most relate to. An online “personality test” confirms this. A few weeks ago, my girlfriend Brenda sent me a “personality test” with a series of questions asking for my preferences in dates, movies, music, etc. Anyone scoring 29-35 points resembles Spongebob Squarepants. I scored 30 points.

According to the description: You are the classic person that everyone loves.  You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose.  You never cause harm to anyone and they would never misunderstand your feelings. Life is a journey, it’s funny and calm for the most part.

Ehem. Okay, even if this (admittedly fatuous) crackpot test isn’t true, I’d say I’m still “sponge worthy,” opting to see the sunny side of things and finding humor in every day life. David Myers, author of The Pursuit of Happiness, says that “Happiness is rather like cholesterol level – influenced genetically, but also by things we can do.” Often, when I start to feel sad, I self-medicate by watching hours of cartoons and comedy. Laughter really is the best medicine.

With the holiday season coming up, laughter and lightheartedness becomes even more important. Work, shopping, cleaning, visiting relatives, wrapping presents, and the slew of dizzying chores can be overwhelming, sometimes resulting in strain and gloominess. The Mayo Clinic identifies three main trigger points for holiday stress and depression: relationships, finances, and physical/emotional demands. The lack of relationships can lead to loneliness, while being around a continuous stream of family and friends can be exasperating. Whereas some folks overspend during the holidays, others feel guilt for not having enough resources to buy that “perfect” gift. And finally, fleeting from mall to mall, and party to party, can simply wipe us out. To ensure happy holidays, perhaps we can all take a cue from Spongebob.

First, become a friendlier person.

Spongebob has a knack for remembering the names of Krusty Krab patrons, and never fails to acknowledge people he passes on the street. Author and psychologist William James once said that, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” But often, we are so consumed with receiving validation that we forget to dish it out – we focus on being loveable instead of being loving. Sincere appreciation costs us nothing to give, and means the world to those who receive it. Not flattery – sincere appreciation and recognition, which can come from a simple smile, a greeting, and a genuine interest in the other person. And in becoming friendlier, begin with nurturing existing relationships. Bonus points: studies have shown that those in intimate relationships – both men and women – have lower death rates than single people.

Next, live with enthusiasm.

Spongebob starts each day with the mantra “I’mmm ready!  I’mmm ready!”  Whether he is flipping Krabby patties or chasing after jellyfish, Spongebob tackles everything with enthusiasm and maximizes the fun in any endeavor. Aristotle called enthusiasm “the regenerative force of conviction.” It is a manifestation of confidence, positive attitude, and optimism.

Perhaps the best description of enthusiasm is its Greek root word entheos, “having the god within,” from en, “in, within,” and theos, “god.” Inner fire is infectious and can be the difference between mediocre and magnificent. Live with enthusiasm, and learn how to arouse enthusiasm in others. Remember that “a candle loses nothing of it’s light by lighting another candle.”

Finally, develop emotional resilience.

Regardless of what trouble Spongebob finds himself in, he remains positive and resilient. Even international leadership training organizations think that Spongebob is a good character to emulate. Using the model created by Daniel Goldman, author of Emotional Intelligence and Primal Leadership, researchers from the Hay Group in the United Kingdom evaluated Spongebob’s emotional astuteness and determined that while IQ-wise, he is not the sharpest, he possesses a high level of EQ, or Emotional Intelligence. Consistently demonstrating integrity and empathy, Spongebob is flexible and adaptable in his approach to adversity, trudging forward despite difficulties and setbacks.

This holiday season, if you ever find the need for a quick jolt of cheer, tune in to Nickelodeon and watch an episode or two of Spongebob Squarepants, a positive role model for adults and kids alike. And Happy Holidays!

First Things First

Over the years, very few things have affected or upset me. And when they do, I comfort myself with endless episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants and America’s Funniest Home Videos.

At the beginning of our relationship, my swift emotional recoveries confounded my husband. He couldn’t understand how I could get over things so quickly. Is it that I’m hard-headed or just plain heartless? At first, I told him about the concept of Human Dynamics developed by Sandra Seagal (which explains how people process information and experiences) and that I am “physically-centered” – very systematic and practical, primarily concerned with progress and results rather than logic and structure.

Then, I had an “A-ha!” moment – perhaps it had nothing to do with my “information processing center” nor my heart of stone. I was just an Über-Optimist. A textbook Pollyanna (minus the denial and passiveness). How could one remain upset when one truly believed that there is always a positive spin to unfortunate events?

In Stephen Covey’s book, First Things First, he talks about living life guided by a “compass” of purpose and values rather than a “clock” of schedules and due dates, and where the long run is where we go for life balance. By focusing on the big picture, our ultimate legacy, we can identify what roles and activities need our attention right now, helping us determine what battles to face and decisions to make at each moment.

For example, on your way to visiting with family, are you really going to waste your time chasing after that rude driver that cut you off on the freeway, just to shake your fist impotently at him, or focus on driving safely so you can spend quality time with your loved ones?

Often, we’re distracted by what’s most urgent that we forget about what’s most important. This leads to frustration, dissatisfaction, and disappointment. By valuing and living in a “state of abundance”, we’re able to appreciate the little victories in life and find meaning in everyday occurrences.

We could all learn from Viktor Frankl, Holocuast survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, who says that “Life has [a purpose and] meaning under all circumstances, even in the most miserable ones.” He also said that “Everything can be taken from a man, but the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

So today, and everyday, I choose to be grateful. Hopeful. Happy.

Here’s to a wonderful 2013!

Everything I Know About Social Media Etiquette, I Learned from Dale Carnegie

Civility, social grace and common courtesy… shouldn’t rules of etiquette in the real world simply carry over to the virtual realm? Why do some people think that hiding behind an online profile excuses them from rude, crude behavior?

Manners matter. As Will Cuppy says, “Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely necessary.” Here are nine lessons I learned from Dale Carnegie that guides my social media interactions.

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

A survey conducted by Real Simple Magazine indicates that chronic complaining is the second most annoying kind of social media post, preceded only by vague posts. Negative attitudes are more virulent than positive ones. And while criticizing others might make you feel better, it’s often an exercise in futility because it simply puts others on the defensive. Then the cycle repeats.

Mena Trott, Time Magazine’s 2006 Person of the Year once said, “If you aren’t going to say something directly to someone’s face, than don’t use online as an opportunity to say it. It is this sense of bravery that people get when they are anonymous that gives the blogosphere a bad reputation.” Keep in mind that anything you post on the web becomes public domain.

On that note, check out these 13 posts that got people fired from their jobs.

2. Give honest, sincere appreciation

Williams James says that “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” Satisfy this hunger with a small gesture – reply back or post a comment.

Don’t have time to scribble something in 140 characters or less? Hit the “LIKE” button. Retweet. Share. Simple actions that cost nothing and take no time at all, but show sincere appreciation.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

Charles Schwab, chosen by Andrew Carnegie to run the U.S. Steel Company in 1921, was the first person to be paid a salary of over a million dollars a year. He was hand-picked by Carnegie because of his ability to arouse enthusiasm in others. What do people want? To survive. To be safe. To belong. To be recognized. To achieve. And sometimes, simply to be entertained. The only radio station playing in other people’s heads is WIIFM (What’s In It For Me), so keep this in mind when crafting posts.

4. Become genuinely interested in other people

For me, online networks are for connecting with people, for supplementing real-world interactions, fueling conversations, and forging new relationships. Thus, I don’t find it critical to accept every “friend” or “connection” request; neither do I feel compelled to auto-follow everyone that follows me. I’m a human being with limited time and energy. I don’t want to have to fake interest. That way, I can focus my attention on people and issues I truly care about.

5. Smile

Need I say more? 🙂

6.  Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. 

I hate to admit it, but one of my favorite morning activities is checking the Connect tab on Twitter and the Notifications button on Facebook. Everyday, it’s like opening a present – I eagerly dive in to discover who has replied, commented or mentioned me overnight.

Responding to a comment or a post? Put in the extra effort and tag the other person’s name so that they become aware of the interaction. Posting photos from an event? Tag the images of those in it. People love seeing photos of themselves. As with anything, tag with caution and care (lest the tags cause embarrassment for your family and friends, or are completely unwelcome – refer to Principle 9).

7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

What’s the difference between a gossip, a bore, and a brilliant conversationalist? A gossip talks about others, a bore talks about himself, a brilliant conversationalist lets you do most of the talking. Building an online relationship isn’t a one way street. Reading and responding to other people’s posts is simply good manners.

When posting, keep in mind that that the world wide web isn’t your big wide billboard. It’s not just about broadcasting and self-promotion, but rather engaging others in conversation.

8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests

As people peruse the web, they are looking for posts, blogs and articles that will make them be better, feel better or do things better. Commandments #2, #3, #4, #6 and #9 in the PC World article “10 Commandments of Social Media Etiquette” all allude to this principle. As the author, JP Raphael notes, “Social media is not a private diary. If you’re going to share something with your friends, make it something they’ll actually understand.” And may I add, enjoy.

9. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely

There is nothing worse than getting tagged on event posters, promotional posts, or random crap that has absolutely nothing to do with you. After falling victim to this several times, I updated my privacy settings and de-activated automatic tags and posts to my Facebook Timeline. Yes, I enjoy being tagged, but only if it has something to do with me. I assume that other people feel the same way. Rather, I try to be “lavish in my approbation and hearty in my praise,” by freely acknowledging and sincerely complementing posts that make me pause, think, feel good, and most of all, laugh.

One of the ways to do this on Twitter is to acknowledge people you are following by adding them to descriptive lists. For example, I have a list called “Rockstar Entrepreneurs” consisting of men and women who have changed the world with their visions and ideas along with Digital Divas, women who rule the social media-sphere.

The Bottom Line

Sincere appreciation goes a long way. Dale Carnegie says “it is the legal tender that all souls enjoy.” Online and otherwise, a good lesson to learn is that proper etiquette and being “liked” has less to do with being likeable, but rather with genuinely “liking” others. Pass it on.