Tag Archives: dale carnegie

Positive Mental Attitude


Smiling-Little-Leaguer-The-SociaholicOn the first session of my Dale Carnegie Sales Advantage class, I will often tell the participants that while they will hear exactly the same thing from me, read the same material, and participate in the same exercises, their attitude will determine how much they will benefit from the training. As Lou Holtz says, “Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.”

Positive mental attitude is so important that Laurence Gonzales, contributing editor for National Geographic and author of the book Deep Survival, states that in AirForce Survival Training and in Military Bootcamp, “Positive Mental Attitude (PMA)” is the first item on the checklist. He says that PMA is the single most critical factor in determining who survives and who dies.

And there’s no doubt: maintaining a positive mental attitude allows us to recognize the opportunities in every situation.

And so as we embark on the New Year, let me leave you with a quick story:

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. “I’m the greatest hitter in the world,” he announced. Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.

“Strrrrriiiiiiike One!” he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!” He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. “Strrrrrriiiiiiike Two!” he cried.

The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!” Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. “Strrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiike Three!”

“Wow!” he exclaimed. “I’m the greatest pitcher in the world!”

The Zig Ziglar Way


On November 28, Zig Ziglar — the “master of motivation” — passed away at the age of 86.

Zig Ziglar speaks at the Get Motivated Seminar...

Zig Ziglar at the Get Motivated Seminar at the Cow Palace in Daly City, CA (Photo Credit: Wikipedia)

Born Hilary Hinton Ziglar in 1926 in Alabama, Zig has authored more than 29 sales and motivational books, including Selling 101, Over the Top, and Born To Win: Find Your Success Code.

I’ve always admired Zig and refer to many of his quotes during my own sales training sessions for Dale Carnegie. A fellow graduate, he began his career in public speaking and training as an instructor for the Dale Carnegie office in New York City in the early ’70s. I’d like to think that we are kindred spirits.

My favorite quote is his response to the buying objection “The price is high.”

I don’t think there’s any question about the price being high.
When you add the benefits of quality
Subtract the disappointments of cheapness
Multiply the pleasures of buying something good
And divide the cost over time
The arithmetic comes out in your favor.
If it costs you a hundred dollars but does you a thousand dollars’ worth of good, then by any yardstick you’ve bought a bargain, haven’t you?

Here are a few other gems that have served me well over the years. We’ll miss you, Zig.

You cannot perform in a manner inconsistent with the way you see yourself.

It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through.

Remember that failure is an event, not a person. Yesterday ended last night.

You will get all you want in life if you help enough people get what they want.

Stop selling. Start helping.

The fear of loss is greater than the desire for gain.

It’s easier to explain price one time than apologize for quality forever.

Objections thrive on opposition, but die with agreement.

If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.

A goal properly set is halfway reached.

Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude

Do you have your own favorite Zig Ziglar quotes? Would love to hear about them!

Everything I Know About Social Media Etiquette, I Learned from Dale Carnegie


Civility, social grace and common courtesy… shouldn’t rules of etiquette in the real world simply carry over to the virtual realm? Why do some people think that hiding behind an online profile excuses them from rude, crude behavior?

Manners matter. As Will Cuppy says, “Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely necessary.” Here are nine lessons I learned from Dale Carnegie that guides my social media interactions.

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

Dont-criticize-condemn-or-complain | TheSociaholic.comA survey conducted by Real Simple Magazine indicates that chronic complaining is the second most annoying kind of social media post, preceded only by vague posts. Negative attitudes are more virulent than positive ones. And while criticizing others might make you feel better, it’s often an exercise in futility because it simply puts others on the defensive. Then the cycle repeats.

Mena Trott, Time Magazine’s 2006 Person of the Year once said, “If you aren’t going to say something directly to someone’s face, than don’t use online as an opportunity to say it. It is this sense of bravery that people get when they are anonymous that gives the blogosphere a bad reputation.” Keep in mind that anything you post on the web becomes public domain.

On that note, check out these 13 posts that got people fired from their jobs.

Give-Honest-Sincere-Appreciation - TheSociaholic.com2. Give honest, sincere appreciation

Williams James says that “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” Satisfy this hunger with a small gesture – reply back or post a comment.

Don’t have time to scribble something in 140 characters or less? Hit the “LIKE” button. Retweet. Share. Simple actions that cost nothing and take no time at all, but show sincere appreciation.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

Charles Schwab, chosen by Andrew Carnegie to run the U.S. Steel Company in 1921, was the first person to be paid a salary of over a million dollars a year. He was hand-picked by Carnegie because of his ability to arouse enthusiasm in others. What do people want? To survive. To be safe. To belong. To be recognized. To achieve. And sometimes, simply to be entertained. The only radio station playing in other people’s heads is WIIFM (What’s In It For Me), so keep this in mind when crafting posts.

4. Become genuinely interested in other people

For me, online networks are for connecting with people, for supplementing real-world interactions, fueling conversations, and forging new relationships. Thus, I don’t find it critical to accept every “friend” or “connection” request; neither do I feel compelled to auto-follow everyone that follows me. I’m a human being with limited time and energy. I don’t want to have to fake interest. That way, I can focus my attention on people and issues I truly care about.

5. Smile

A smile a day keeps the pain and the doctor away

Need I say more? 🙂

6.  Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Remember-their-name | TheSociaholic.com

I hate to admit it, but one of my favorite morning activities is checking the Connect tab on Twitter and the Notifications button on Facebook. Everyday, it’s like opening a present – I eagerly dive in to discover who has replied, commented or mentioned me overnight.

Responding to a comment or a post? Put in the extra effort and tag the other person’s name so that they become aware of the interaction. Posting photos from an event? Tag the images of those in it. People love seeing photos of themselves. As with anything, tag with caution and care (lest the tags cause embarrassment for your family and friends, or are completely unwelcome – refer to Principle 9).

7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Be-a-good-listener | TheSociaholic.comWhat’s the difference between a gossip, a bore, and a brilliant conversationalist? A gossip talks about others, a bore talks about himself, a brilliant conversationalist lets you do most of the talking. Building an online relationship isn’t a one way street. Reading and responding to other people’s posts is simply good manners.

When posting, keep in mind that that the world wide web isn’t your big wide billboard. It’s not just about broadcasting and self-promotion, but rather engaging others in conversation.

8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests

As people peruse the web, they are looking for posts, blogs and articles that will make them be better, feel better or do things better. Commandments #2, #3, #4, #6 and #9 in the PC World article “10 Commandments of Social Media Etiquette” all allude to this principle. As the author, JP Raphael notes, “Social media is not a private diary. If you’re going to share something with your friends, make it something they’ll actually understand.” And may I add, enjoy.

9. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely

Give-Sincere-Appreciation | TheSociaholic.comThere is nothing worse than getting tagged on event posters, promotional posts, or random crap that has absolutely nothing to do with you. After falling victim to this several times, I updated my privacy settings and de-activated automatic tags and posts to my Facebook Timeline. Yes, I enjoy being tagged, but only if it has something to do with me. I assume that other people feel the same way. Rather, I try to be “lavish in my approbation and hearty in my praise,” by freely acknowledging and sincerely complementing posts that make me pause, think, feel good, and most of all, laugh.

One of the ways to do this on Twitter is to acknowledge people you are following by adding them to descriptive lists. For example, I have a list called “Rockstar Entrepreneurs” consisting of men and women who have changed the world with their visions and ideas along with Digital Divas, women who rule the social media-sphere.

The Bottom Line

Sincere appreciation goes a long way. Dale Carnegie says “it is the legal tender that all souls enjoy.” Online and otherwise, a good lesson to learn is that proper etiquette and being “liked” has less to do with being likeable, but rather with genuinely “liking” others. Pass it on.

The X Factor


Derick MacabentaLast week, my nephew Derick joined the ranks of the estimated 1.78 million students that graduated from college in the U.S. If there’s one piece of advice I could give him now, along with the rest of the class of 2012, it would be this: the most valuable lesson you’ll need to become successful was NOT part of your college curriculum.

Back in 1984, Mark McCormack, founder of International Management Group (IMG) and touted by Sports Illustrated Magazine as “The Most Powerful Man in Sport”, authored What they don’t teach at Harvard Business School. McCormack himself is well-educated – a graduate of Yale Law School – as well as a frequent lecturer at Stanford and Duke. But he is the first to admit that “what they don’t teach you [in business school] is what they can’t teach you.”

Without a doubt, education and training contribute to one’s success. But raw knowledge is useless unless put to practical use. McCormack calls it street smarts, “the ability to make active positive use of your instincts, insights and perceptions.” Some refer to it as “soft skills,” a nebulous set of attributes that you either have or you don’t. Period.

I dub it the X Factor, an amalgam of positive attitude, people skills, and extraordinary flexibility.

Don’t Ever Tell Me You Can’t
When Celia Ruiz-Tomlinson moved to the U.S.in 1968, she had $300 in her pocket and a degree in Civil Engineering from Mapua Institute of Technology in Manila. Although she grew up in impoverished conditions, living in a 10×10 fish market stall that doubled as the family’s home, she managed to rise from abject poverty, overcoming one roadblock after another in pursuit of her dream. She is now President and CEO of Rhombus, PA, a successful civil engineering consulting firm in New Mexico. In 2002, she received the Asian Women in Business Entrepreneurial Leadership National Award, and in 2004, was recognized for her entrepreneurial acumen at the Filipinas Magazine Achievement Awards. She wrote a book about her exploits, aptly entitled Don’t Ever Tell Me You Can’t.

Positive attitude – the belief that no matter what, things can be done – is so critical that it is the first item on the checklist for AirForce Survival Training and Military Bootcamp. Laurence Gonzales, author of Deep Survival and contributing editor for National Geographic, says that in a crisis situation, Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) is the biggest determining factor for who survives and who dies. Perhaps Mahatma Gandhi put it best. He says that, “If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it, even if I did not have the ability in the beginning.”

Win Friends and Influence People
There’s an often quoted story of a young woman who dined with William Gladstone one evening, and with Benjamin Disraeli the next. They were prominent British statesmen of the 19th century, both serving as Prime Ministers at one point. They were also bitter rivals. Asked her impression of these two powerful men, the young woman replied, “After sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man inEngland. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman inEngland.”

Personal magnetism, it seems, has more to do with being genuinely interested in other people rather than being “interesting.” Dale Carnegie, who wrote the grandfather of all people-skills book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, says that to succeed in life, you have to “Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.” First published in 1937, Dale Carnegie’s flagship book continues to rank in the New York Times Best-Selling Business Books of all time. Carnegie says that success is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to people skills. His training organization, founded in 1912, has a 12-week program revolving around 30 principles that focus on how to become a friendlier person, win people to your way of thinking, and be a leader.

Dance with the Winds of Change
The Bible tells the Parable of the Reed and the Oak. The Mighty Oak Tree, with its deep roots and firm standing, refused to dance with the wind, while the Lowly Reed bent this way and that, even with the slightest of breeze. Ultimately, the Oak Tree was toppled in a storm because of its refusal to compromise,

Even IBM has found flexibility to be the key to success, especially in the rapidly changing automotive industry. Responsiveness to change and adaptability to evolving situations allows big automotive companies and small mom-and-pop businesses survive and succeed – to dance with the winds of change. As Elbert Hubbard says, “The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can’t be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.”

So, to my nephew and the rest of the Class of 2012 – Good luck. And here’s to finding your own brand of X.

Face Time


(Note: This post was originally published in Filipinas Magazine in September 2008)

What in the world is a “dynein?” I look it up. It has just scored my brother 33 points on Scrabble. According to Wikipedia, “Dynein is a motor protein (also called molecular motor or motor molecule) in cells which converts the chemical energy contained in ATP into the mechanical energy of movement.” Now, how the heck did that word get into his vocabulary?

It’s Raymond’s turn next, so I have some time to consider my next move, shuffling my tiles repeatedly hoping a 6 or 7 letter word would materialize. We are now on Day 3 of our Scrabble game, the same game, dragged on for days, perhaps because we’re not physically sitting at the same table, arranging tiny wooden letter tiles over a 16”x16” board. Rather, we’re playing online Scrabble, one of the several game applications available on Facebook.
Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

I’m a Facebook newbie. After several invitations, I finally acquiesced in early May. My niece, Liza, was one of the first to post a comment on my “Wall.” “Careful… it sucks time away from the day,” she warned. She wasn’t kidding. Even my friend’s father, who is in his late sixties, found himself hooked on the site. While he claims he only logs on an hour at a time, three times a week, I know I’ve seen him online more often than that. “It’s the most unproductive thing one can indulge in, but I love it. Great stress reliever and makes one silly,” he chuckles.

I click over to my other favorite Facebook games, Word Scramble, to check out the leader board. Rico Saenz is still in the lead at 136 points. I rank third at 125, a point less than Tina. I’m competing against friends from the Philippines, Australia, and all across the United States, including my brother, Paolo, who now lives in Southern California. I could try another three minute round to see if I could beat my personal best, but it is now close to midnight – time to put the keyboard to rest. Right after I “throw a sheep” at Mike.

Within three days of joining, I find almost 129 family members and friends on the site. Almost one year on Friendster, another social networking site, and I haven’t even broken the double-digits on my friends’ list. I guess my buddy Cris Roces is right – more of our friends, Colegio San Agustin (CSA) alums and otherwise, are active on Facebook. Soon I’m adding old work colleagues, college partners-in-crime, former roommates, long-lost third-degree cousins, high school buddies, and new pals I randomly met while traveling abroad to my list of friends.

One of my newly added friends is Sarah Solano, a former happy hour buddy. After thirty years, she found her grade school pal, who still lives in thePhilippines, through Facebook. “It’s a great way of reconnecting with your friends all over the world!” she beams.

Because of Facebook, Michael Frauendorff found his former teammates from theMakatiFootballSchooland got to reminisce about the glory days on the forums. He fondly leafed through photos of medals, tournaments, and uniforms dating back to the late 70’s, adding this was “when coaches Tomas Lozano and Juan Cutillas were kings!”

It has now been about four months since I signed up for a Facebook account. And I have to confess, I am addicted. To make it official, I joined “I check my Facebook more than I check my E-mails,” a group created by Willie Dee inShanghai,China. Formed in April 2008, the group now boasts 518 members, from Hong Kong toLondon. Will states that “In April 2008, Facebook was estimated to have more than 70 million active users. Every member of this group believes that 80% of Facebook users check their Facebook account in a day way more than they check their email account in a week.”

Yep, sounds like me. So why do I spend so much face time on Facebook? Out of all the social networking sites I belong to, I feel I can be most like myself on this site. I don’t know about you, but I assume various alter-egos and select friends differently depending on the site.

On LinkedIn, I put on my corporate alter-ego and professional relationships dominate my network. With past colleagues, current clients, or business partners (most of whom have no idea that I don studded arm cuffs and rock out in a band on weekends), LinkedIn is my “business face” on the web. I’m much more conservative with the information I provide, highlighting only those that relate to my line of work and posting links to articles and blogs I’ve written on mortgage finance, interest rate trends, and economic updates. Did you know I’m a straight-laced Mortgage Banker and Dale Carnegie Instructor by day? I check LinkedIn about once every two weeks.

I use MySpace mostly to promote my band and personally know only about 30 percent of my “friends.” The rest are a combination of random adds (mostly of celebrities like Black Eyed Peas, Tila Tequilla, and Kendra Wilkinson) and friend requests from folks I don’t remember meeting at gigs. There is hardly any personal information about myself on MySpace so I’m more liberal in accepting friend requests. I check MySpace roughly three times a week.

On Facebook, I am just myself. Perhaps because I have a genuine relationship with most of the folks on my friends list. While I outright decline invitations from people I don’t know, I file invitations from those I barely know under a “limited profile” category, with restricted access to my photo albums and other personal information. The rest on my list see everything – status updates, wall posts, game stats, photo uploads, and blogs. I’m on Facebook twice a day – at lunch and before bedtime, sometimes more when I receive email notifications.

Melani dela Vega, one of my CSA buddies, agrees. She says that while she is on multiple online social networks, she felt that she has been able to reach out to a wider social circle through Facebook. “Through this site, I am in touch with elementary and high school classmates, family, childhood friends and even other parents from my son’s school. It seems to have less of the negative stigma that Myspace does. I surely am enjoying the virtual food fight with the moms from my son’s school,” she adds.

While nothing beats actual face time with a friend, developing and nurturing relationships through cyberspace transcends time and space. For now, I’m parking my profile on Facebook.


UPDATE: I’m now up to 1400+ friends on Facebook and have added Twitter to my social media addiction. Follow me @XtinaDunham 🙂